I say that because we go through AT LEAST an entire bottle of ranch dressing every 2 weeks. I'm talking the store bought, full of preservatives, neat little container that stands on its end kind, which shall go nameless lest they sue my sorry self for slander.
So let's call it "Ranch That Hides Itself in the Low Land Between Mountains." Catchy, huh? I knew I should have majored in advertising.
And I'm not going to slander the R.T.H.I.L.L.B.M. (shew!)--I'm just going to casually write down what's actually in it, and then share that writing with my friends.
Scary stuff, I tell ya.
If you know me personally, you know I'm a bit of a freak about food. If you know me impersonally...I'm a food freak. Like a veritable picky eater when it comes to kiddie foods. We try to buy mostly organic (except for you, sweet sweet oreo) in an effort to feed the family lots of fruits and veggies.
Which brings me to the issue at hand: the hubby has taught the Crazies that the one and only acceptable way to consume a vegetable is dipped, nee covered, in ranch dressing. Hence the bottle of "Ranch That Hides."
So you wanna know what's really in it? No?
Well I'll tell you anyway.
Real Food:Water, Egg Yolk, Sugar, Salt, Buttermilk, Spices
Fake Food/Chemicals:Natural & Artificial Flavors: Created in labs by "flavorists"
Phosphoric Acid: Commonly used in rust removal
Xanthan Gum: synthetic or bacterially fermented thickener (made from the bacteria that creates black spots on cauliflower)
Modified Food Starch: increases shelf life; thickener
Monosodium Glutamate (MSG): exitoTOXIN
Disodium Phosphate: emulsifier/enhancer that if consumed directly causes diarrhea and vomiting and direct exposure to eyes and skin causes irritation
Sorbic Acid: Preservative, also found in tobacco products
Calcium Disodium EDTA: Preservative that binds to metal
Disodium Inosinate: Preservative can cause Ribo Rash and implicated in children's behavior issues
Disodium Guanylate: flavor enhancer, used with MSG.
And that doesn't even include the fact that the 'real food' ingredients on this list are likely raised with pesticides and fillers and chemical injections. Yum!
If you're curious, Whole Foods has a great list of Unacceptable Ingredients for Food. Wanna guess how many of the above are listed?
But fear not, my friends! This past week I FINALLY started on a solution for the Crazies and their ranch fetish. I shall no longer pump dressing chemicals into their little bodies (I'll use cereal to that end) and have decided to make our very own ranch dressing.
And guess what, it's even BETTER than the fake stuff. Cool, huh?
So this is my recipe, which is adapted from one my mom used to make us. And it's so very good.
Better Than the Bottle Ranch Dressing1 small clove garlic, smashed
1 tsp. country dijon mustard
1/2 tsp. onion powder
1 tsp. lemon juice
1/4 cup buttermilk
3/4 cup mayo
1/4 cup sour cream
3 tablespoons curly parsley (like a small fistful, and best if it's been in the fridge a day or two)
salt and pepper
Combine garlic, mustard, onion powder, lemon juice and buttermilk in a blender until garlic is finely chopped. Add mayo and sour cream, blend. Last, add the parsley and blend until the parsley is chopped and the mixture is smooth. Salt and pepper to taste.
It gets thicker over night, so refrigerate that bad boy!
Well looky there, I did a 'Put the Ph.D. to Work' post AND fit in a new recipe. Yay for productivity. What are some food items that you are picky about?